Are you still looking for the answer to that question? Are you asking yourself that question? Stop. Because there is no answer to that question as there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you.
But why am I single? Why have I been left? Why? Why me? By asking those questions what you are really looking for is the essential, intrinsic fault. THE flaw, the mother of all flaws, the one and only reason for all your problems.
There is nothing wrong with you. By stopping to ask that question you will actually
- do yourself a HUGE favour
- find answers that you really need
- learn to accept and embrace all that you are
Looking for the one thing that separates you from others, makes you less desirable, less worthy, less, is just a false friend. A misleading preconception, a wrong way leading you down a very dark and lonesome alley only to be destructed by your own self fulfilling prophecy.
But how can you believe that there is nothing wrong with you? You can’t, at least you won’t at first. Believe me, I’ve been there. Praise always sounds slightly off, when your plans don’t work out EXACTLY as you planned you want to weep or go buy the latest in self improvement, and when your friends gather you feel like the odd one out, and instead of enjoying the glass of spumante or champagne, you wish you could google ‘how not to feel left out’ or ‘how to make friends’.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
I know, you want to scream back: BUT THAT WONT HELP ME.
I H-A-V-E TO CHANGE.
Yes, and no. You have to change the voice in your head that keeps telling you to improve. Next time it’s dragging you down that bitter road of self-hatred or the indulgent path of self-pity, scream in it’s face: I WONT GO THERE. I have to clean the litter box, wash my hands, cut roses, prune whatever those shears are made for, or google ‘what’s a pruning shear (for)?’.
But I can’t. How will my life improve if I don’t improve? Better myself. The fact that you will follow through, stick to work/chores/homework, will immediately make you feel better about yourself, life, and your capacity and capability of handling just about anything. Even, if you are like me, those damn dishes. The fact that you screamed the monster in its face, that you didn’t let it drag you down the whole, that you didn’t become your own victim, will set you free, will free you from whatever made you believe that there’s something wrong with you. Because there is NOT A SINGLE THING WRONG with you. You are perfect just the way you are. Experience will teach you what no self-help book can. The mental discipline you show when you go back to work despite the need to crawl under a rock will improve you. Life will teach you, help you grow, gently and continuously. And while you are doing those chores, you’ll realise what your anger is for. You will see why it kept coming back, that it taught you discipline, boundaries, sticking up for yourself. That your sadness was a balm to your soul. That it only hurt so much because you wished to be held while crying. You will embrace your tenderness and protect it. Not with walls or self-improvement, but instead with kind-assertive communication, with the fierce love of a mother lion, the vulnerable trust of a loving dog. And you will accept both the beauty and the ugliness in people. The light and the shadows. In them, and in you. And while you will embrace yourself wholly, you will say no to those whose shadows would hurt you. Finally, you’ll improve your habits by letting your true core shine. Your true self, the one thing that had been always been right, perfect, whole.
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This blog, the Blog of the Guild of Light, has been given the task of showing humankind the worth of individuality and community and to teach them to bring both together in harmony and how walking your individual path together with others will prosper health, success, and well-being.
MAG. DR. VERENA RADLINGMAYR
